Friend (noun): A person who you know well and who you like a lot, but who is usually not a member of your family — Cambridge Dictionary
Watched a Video
Posted by a guy Youtuber who was concerned that he no longer was in contact with his old friends. It was probably a tactic to get more views / subscribers. But I’ve noticed over the years that some people experience the same thing and seem to think it’s bad. It’s not. It’s natural and should be accepted as a good thing.
When you’re young and have minimal responsibilities and committments, friends are important. Through them, you all learn how to form relationships with the horde out there. If you can make a few friends as a youngster, chances are you’ll be able to figure it out when you grow up and are forced to get a job or go to college.
People Change
They have relationships, raise families, move away, go mad. All sorts of things change people. Sometimes, only a few months can pass and you think, “Wow, Bob sure isn’t like I remember him!.” Get used to it. People tend to change more in directions away from what you might want. Up to, and beyond, the point where you have much, if anything, in common anymore. It’s just one of those things.
I had a mate when I was about twelve(ish) and we were going to go to the big old U S of A and become truck drivers! We both decided on the style of truck and there was no doubt, it was going to be this style (black for me, white for Foggy):
Of course, it never happened, but that’s what kids do. Have crazy ideas and dreams that they quickly grow out of.
Travel Broadens the Mind
I think the turning point for me was a year in Australia from ’96 to ’97. I landed in Melbourne alone. No contacts, no friends. Just me, my awesome personality, and my backpack.
When you’re on the other side of the world, making new friends easily, you realise that your circle back at home is somewhat limiting. You remember that your group back home, hasn’t ever really grown. It’s just the same old faces, same old banter.
Friendship Churn
Churn (noun): The number of customers who decide to stop using a service offered by one company and to use another company, usually because it offers a better service or price. — Cambridge Dictionary
Although usually used in relation to customers switching from one service provider to another, churn also applies to friendships. You have one group at nursery, another at junior school, secondary school, college, workplace 1, workplace 2 etc. And most people have multiple friend groups at the same time.
My point is that these groups / connections come and go. When you leave a job, after a few months, you’ve normally lost all contact with them. There are exceptions of course; I know blokes in their sixties who are still best mates with someone they’ve known since they were about three.
Friendship churn is inevitable and it gives you an opportunity to replace tiresome friendships with new, exciting ones. Until they then go stale and they then need replacing…
Manage Your Expectations
People say that you discover who your true friends when you’re ill. I disagree. It’s only your immediate family who I think should make the effort. Friends should not be expected to. Sure, it’s probably nice if they do stop by, but the intranet people will just see your photo on their feed (that you took from your hospital bed) post a quick sad face, and keep on scrolling to see what else is happening. It’s just how things are now.
There’s No Shortage of New Friends
But, you need to define friend differently. I am a fairly personable, chatty bloke. I have lots of new style friends. These are people I know through my work, people I see regularly in shops and the like. We all need contact with others, but guess what: people are everywhere!
My family (and fifteen year old daughter in particular) are often astonished when they come out of a shop or somewhere, and I’m having a laugh with someone. “Who was that?”, they ask, assuming it’s an old workmate. No idea I say. Just got chatting while waiting for you lot.
